“You’re a grown-up, and you get to decide what behaviors affect you for five minutes versus what behaviors change you as a person.”
― Kelly Williams Brown
There was a time I remember thinking what my life would be like when I was all “grown up”. Now I’m nineteen not in anyway a grown up to a lot of people in the world but I feel old inside. Maybe it’s because I’m riddled with anxiety that I feel that I’m running out of time when everyone around me tells me I’m young and my life is just starting. I have this overwhelming need to do something with my life right now with no knowledge what it is I need to do or how to do it. It’s a suffocating feeling of unknown responsibility.
I feel kind of like adult hood hit me like a train when I decided to leave University after only a few weeks. Leaving education was uplifting and terrifying. All of a sudden I was on my own with no structure and I had always wanted to go to University and I never quit anything and it did feel kind of like I gave up even though I was extremely depressed and unsatisfied.
I suppose the worst is that I spent so long in school and I am still not prepared for life.
You know when your younger and you can visualise your future? Your wedding, job, kids, house etc. I just can’t do that anymore. I haven’t for a long time.