I was excited to grow up…

“You’re a grown-up, and you get to decide what behaviors affect you for five minutes versus what behaviors change you as a person.”
― Kelly Williams Brown

There was a time I remember thinking what my life would be like when I was all “grown up”. Now I’m nineteen not in anyway a grown up to a lot of people in the world but I feel old inside. Maybe it’s because I’m riddled with anxiety that I feel that I’m running out of time when everyone around me tells me I’m young and my life is just starting. I have this overwhelming need to do something with my life right now with no knowledge what it is I need to do or how to do it. It’s a suffocating feeling of unknown responsibility.

I feel kind of like adult hood hit me like a train when I decided to leave University after only a few weeks. Leaving education was uplifting and terrifying. All of a sudden I was on my own with no structure and I had always wanted to go to University and I never quit anything and it did feel kind of like I gave up even though I was extremely depressed and unsatisfied.

 

I suppose the worst is that I spent so long in school and I am still not prepared for life.

 

You know when your younger and you can visualise your future? Your wedding, job, kids, house etc. I just can’t do that anymore. I haven’t for a long time.

 

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3 thoughts on “I was excited to grow up…

  1. yourenotaloneinthisworld says:

    I’m 21 and STILL have that overwhelming feeling, which having anxiety doesn’t help because I can’t really just “get up and do something” with my life. But it’s gotten a lot easier since I was 18 and just graduated high school. It’ll get better✌🏼️

    Like

  2. Miss Chipington says:

    23 and I think I’m just starting to ‘get it’. I found that throwing my hands up and admitting I had no idea what I was doing was the best thing I could do. I stopped fretting and took the time to think about what I wanted to do, not what I think I should be doing.

    Like

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