Why the future terrifies me!

I am 19 and will be turning 20 this year. I am terrified of the future. I feel about 10 years older Then I actually am and I am terrified of the future.

Money is one of my biggest worries. My family has been through bad times and average times. I have never gone without because my parents would sell their own organs to get me something I wanted. However, I have also known when we can hardly afford food. The saying “money can’t by you happiness” has really started to piss me off in the last few years because I know that if I had more money I’d probably be happier then I am now. Or at least less worried about how in the hell I’m going to afford to get to work for the next month.


I don’t want to end up like my family. This is my immediate family. There’s also an amount of pressure put on me to be the great star of the family and become this success that I don’t know how to do. I don’t want to be in my thirties having to ask my mum for money like my sister or like my other sister who constantly argues with her husband like my parents did.


Independence is a dream right now. My mum has bubble wrapped me most of my life and living in London I will probably not be able to move out of my mothers house for a long time.


I have yet to have a romantic relationship at the age of nineteen. Now I do have social anxiety and went to an all girls school so me and the male population have little contact with each other anyway but I feel like I am incapable in this department and I do want to share my life with someone I love who is not my blood.


Finally, will I ever be happy? Happiness I will say is my main goal in life. However, with depression and anxiety plus the uncertainty of life makes this feel like a unreachable goal.


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