Relationships.

I don’t think of myself as being good with relationships. My family relationship is both good and bad whilst my friendly relationships either dwindle or are the best people in my life, who I depend on for validation.

Romantic relationships are another chaos altogether. I have had one sort of relationship in my nineteen years at the age of sixteen for about a week.

 

The guy was nice enough, except calling me depressing during a conversation but having looked back on this very brief encounter I can’t help but feel like it was something about me that meant it didn’t work. Or has allowed me to be in a relationship before or since.

 

The biggest reason I feel is my need for my own space and my own company. If I don’t have a least an hour on my own a day I feel overwhelmed and exhausted. I suppose this may be because around people I am so conscious of my every movement and word coming out of my mouth that my brain gets over worked. However, on my own I don’t have that problem.

 

Maybe I have intimacy issues. I’m not a hugger at all. Hugging is awkward for me unless I’ve known you for a very long time. This in turn could also have caused my introverted nature. My bedroom is my sanctuary and being there feels safe.

The outside world is noisy and scary. There are bees out their people!! (It’s summer the bees are back and I have a phobia)

 

In all there are many reasons I have not been and may not be ready for a relationship, in the romantic sense. These examples are just the tip of the iceberg. Hopefully my self awareness is a gift and not a curse.

 

First I will work on me. On getting and feeling better then maybe I will share that with someone else. Or maybe someone will come into my life that will help me figure things out.

 

Nothing is certain. All I know is I think about my lack of Romantic partner a lot. I look at the average age people start dating and I cant help feel I’m missing a part of life and at the d=same time avoiding something that could destroy me.

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