My relationship with food, weight and health have always been let’s say complicated.
I was born small, grew thin as a twig and have recently been trying to gain weight so I am at a “healthy” weight.
I’ve never been a big eater and still am not. Food is not my top priority really, I often forget to eat and when I do eat it tends to be quick and basically poisonous. Although I have been eating better in terms of healthier foods in the past weeks.
You may be asking yourself why am I writing a blog post about my eating habits and the answer is that I have struggled with my body for as long as I remember and for as long as I can remember I have always been the “Skinny one”.
People seem to have this instinct to talk about my weight even if it’s not to me and we’re in the same room.
I once had women talk to my mum about how I may have an eating disorder whilst we were in a lift. I was about 14 at the time and nearly cracked.
The whole eating disorder comments are very common. People are very happy to diagnose me. To call me anorexic when I don’t finish a meal or don’t have what they believe to be a full meal.
I hear a lot about fat shaming and if skinny shaming is a thing. I have to say on this one say yes it is.
I’ve had people comment on my body so much that I’ve worn baggy clothes to hide my bony bits. I’ve had the label of the “Skinny one” for so long that it become part of me and every time I go to the doctor and get weighed I dread thinking that I may have gained weight. Because then who would I be if I wasn’t the “skinny one”.
I am very self-conscious when eating especially out, I force myself to a degree of physical discomfort to keep up with the people around me. I’ll not eat all day so that I can save my hunger for that meal.
I’ve in the past and thankfully only at times in the present hated that I don’t have the curves that all my friends do. I don’t have the peachy bum or large boobs. I have sticky out hip bones and ribs.
Sometimes I’m just really sick of people saying things about my body that they wouldn’t say to other people. That I can’t wear certain things, that I should eat that not this.
Being called the many names for the “Skinny one” has made me self-conscious and damaged my relationship with my body. Yet I feel like I can’t talk about it because I’m in some way damaging the efforts of other girls to love their body’s.
I’m naturally skinny. I’m not going to change anytime soon. My body is my own. I’d like people to respect that.
Thanks for reading