Bullying

Bullying can occur anywhere: schools, workplaces, home. Anywhere there is someone different and an environment that perpetuates separation. Bullying is everywhere.

Bullyimg Quote - Jay Asher, Thirteen Reasons Why

I myself was bullied in my primary school years, I actually don’t remember a lot of the specifics but I know it happened because I do remember the meetings with teachers. I remember the pain, loneliness and self-loathing caused by it and now that I understand my brain and my mental health issues more, I know the lasting effects being bullied had on me.

I won’t focus on my bullies too much. They were young boys who saw someone different to most of their friends: skin colour, personality, emotional sensitivity and exploited it. I haven’t forgiven them and I never will, it’s not who I am. The fact they were young doesn’t mean anything to me because I was young and the adults around us were not, including their parents.

My bullying went on for years. I believe it focused most on my looks. My freckles were not “normal” compared to everyone around me, who were mostly black kids of African descent. In this situation, I was the odd one out.

I wasn’t a big people person back then and I’m still not. I prefer my own space. I had not yet learnt to love my intelligence and my passion for learning. I was so fragile back then, I was an easy target.

Being a bullying victim has lead to years of self-hatred, self-criticism and low self-esteem. It made me go into secondary school with the idea in my head that I would stay to myself, talk to no-one and therefore survive. It’s made me use sarcasm and aggression as a defence mechanism. I try not to get close to people because sooner or later I feel like no one will ever want to be a real friend to me. I exaggerate about myself to make myself more likeable.

Bullying doesn’t stay at school or in the past it follows you. I don’t know how I would have survived if social media was around back then.

To a victim of bullying those who bully are the vilest people. They torture people for fun and in my opinion, there is never a good reason to do that.

I hope that no one ever is bullied but sadly it continues on.

Thanks for reading,

nancylostinlife-signature

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3 thoughts on “Bullying

  1. TheOriginalPhoenix says:

    Your story is so similar to mine and the effects it had on you are almost exactly like what I’m going through right now. I know a lot of people are bullied but I never thought I’d meet someone so much like me. It’s heartbreaking that we can relate in this way but I’m glad you shared.

    Liked by 1 person

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