On the 31st October 2017, I turned 21. My birthday has always been bittersweet mostly because of the ridiculous expectations I have for basically everything.
It didn’t feel as big as last year did even though 21 is still one of the big milestones for no fucking reason. Anyway, I had a nice time. I went to a house party yes, an actual freaking house party, with people and everything. I dressed up as a witch and did partake in the consumption of alcohol. My beautiful friend from London/college had a cake for me at midnight. I spent the actual daytime doing a little shopping and looking cute. Finally finished with dinner with the aforementioned friend and had a chilled night in with a face mask. I also watched the classic Scooby-Doo and the Witch’s Ghost. I forgot how much my goth phase was caused by The Hex Girls.
I felt loved all day and I spent most of the day by myself.
I’ve learnt the last two years that on my birthday I should just do something nice. It doesn’t have to be the most amazing day ever just a good kind of day.
I’ve spent a lot of time lately telling myself that it’s okay to be good enough.
I never realise fully the amount of pressure I put on myself in the name of perfection.
I’m such a rational person when it comes to somethings and others I’m the most irrational bitch to myself.
I obviously have a problem with high expectations for events and myself. I believe this is why I’ve struggled so much. I was expecting that beginning university this time would be amazing and I’d be happy. That’s not realistic. I mean I have freaking depression and anxiety. I’m leaving home and have already had to leave a degree course due to my mental health.
It’s completely normal for non-mental illness sufferers to have a hard time when beginning university in a new place so it’s completely understandable for me to have had a particularly hard time. My first essay for English Lit definitely threw me into a tailspin of anxiety-induced sleep problems.
I have thankfully received a lot of support from my university student support team and my tutors.
Things are now starting to settle down and I’m looking forward to showing off my real potential.
Thanks for reading,